Facebook Status: Today I texted my mom saying I got an A for a test. She replied: WTF see you at dinner. She thingks WTF means “Wow, that’s fantastic”.

Facebook Status: Some people are like Slinkies, not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Facebook Status: I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Facebook Status: The longer the title the less important the job.

Facebook Status: Thanks to the new alcoholic energy drinks, instead of the walk of shame, you can do the sprint of shame.

Facebook Status: Live is too short to be normal.