Facebook Status: The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so they can tell when they’re really in trouble.

Facebook Status: I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

Facebook Status: Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.

Facebook Status: Bought some batteries for my children as gift and stuck a note on it saying “toys not included”.

Facebook Status: I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?

Facebook Status: My favorite mythical creature: A honest politician.