Facebook Status: A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!

Facebook Status: It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.

Facebook Status: Love is like fire – it can warm your heart, but it can also burn your house down.

Facebook Status: Forgive your enemies. It annoys them to no end.

Facebook Status: Told someone I’d ‘circle back’ today. I have not circled. I have not moved. I am a straight line going nowhere.

Facebook Status: My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do today.