Facebook Status: Procrastination (verb): What you’re probably doing now.

Facebook Status: Save a vegetable, eat a doughnut!

Facebook Status: Today, I texted my mom saying that I got an A for a test. She replied: ‘WTF see you at dinner.’ She thinks WTF means: ‘Wow, that’s fantastic.’

Facebook Status: Jack of all trades, master of none, though oftentimes better than master of one.

Facebook Status: I didn’t say it was your fault – I said I was blaming you.

Facebook Status: The longer the title, the less important the job.