Facebook Status: I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, anytime, all the time.

Facebook Status: When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight, to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.

Facebook Status: Closing all your tabs by the time your boss gets to you, is like frantically getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

Facebook Status: People are funny. They spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like.

Facebook Status: That awkward moment when you accidentally click on Internet Explorer & you have to wait for it to load so you can close it again.

Facebook Status: Unicorns do exist. They’re just fat and grey and we call them Rhinos.